Eileen's Story
Dear Mr. Jordan,
For the past two weeks I have -- for the first time in my life -- been researching Christian ufology, and -- for the first time -- am now extending an open mind to it. Prior to these past two weeks, Christian ufology was only ever something I had heard about in passing, and which I readily dismissed as a fringe phenomenon of the emotionally unstable and the intellectually irrational.
But I am now reconsidering that position.
In my web searchings, I came across your site "Alien Resistance" (among other sites) and decided I would like to contact you.
My first inclination was to contact Lisa Davis, but her web site has been hacked, and I can't find an e-mail address for her anywhere.
I also tried to e-mail Guy Malone, but his mailbox isn't working.
To keep this e-mail as brief as possible, I will succinctly say I believe I have a life history of low-level visitations. In my use of the term "low-level" I am spontaneously (and perhaps clumsily) coining a phrase here in this e-mail to try and convey the idea that my visitation experiences were of minor significance and also of lesser trauma than what I have been reading about in the internet testimonies of other victims.
My visitations have included 1) dreams and 2) out-of-body experiences. The dreams, which were very rare (a few times a year at the most), started when I was around seven years old, and were always about creatures, or monsters, or outright aliens (usually only one entity per dream, not multiples) who would come to me during the course of the dream, often hurt me, and when I awakened I would still physically feel the pain that they had inflicted upon me in the dream. Never once did any of the creatures/monsters/aliens in these dreams speak to me or engage in any other type of communication. The out-of-body experiences began when I was about four, were very rare (again only a few times a year at most), and stopped for the duration of my teen-aged years, but then returned again for a very brief while after I had reached adulthood AND after I had become a born-again Christian. But when the out-of-body experiences returned during my new life as a Christian, I spoke to some women in my church who prayed for me, and the out-of-body experiences stopped. They have not happened again since then. In 1992, I went on a short-term summer missionary trip to Ireland where I believe I was literally attacked in my sleep while staying at a Christian woman's house in Dublin, and the validity of the attack was corroborated by two other Christian women in the house (the Irish hostess, and the other American woman who also came as a missionary for the summer).
At this stage in my life, I believe these visitations have probably ceased. It has been many years since I have had any such dream at all. I spent probably the first eight years of my Christian walk experiencing occasional dreams which I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about, and which I couldn't help but think had to be MORE than just dreams because they were the only dreams I had where I would get hurt in the dream AND ALSO awaken still experiencing the sensation of literal pain and discomfort from the dreamt injuries. A solid correlation emerged: dreams that "hurt" always had a monster, and dreams with monsters always "hurt". But I never got "hurt" in my any of my "normal" and "monster-less" dreams where I perhaps fell down a set of stairs or got hit by a tidal wave or crashed a car. I even had a "normal" dream once when I was in college in the middle of final exam week, and in that dream I tripped and fell face-first onto the sidewalk and broke all of the teeth out of my mouth from the impact. And then I stood up in my dream with broken teeth all over the ground in front of me and I had blood gushing out of my mouth, and then I woke up at that exact moment of standing up with a bleeding mouth, but even THAT dream did not "hurt". But in all of my "monster" dreams, which began at the age of seven, I have experienced any of the following assaults: I have been punched, choked, stabbed, dragged across the floor, thrown against a wall, and had many other violent things done to me. Some of the assaults were sexual, and ALL of them "hurt". And whenever I awakened from any of my "monster" dreams, the echo of the pain from these traumas remained as a conscious and unignorable physical sensation for up to half an hour after waking up and walking around (I believe this might technically fall under the category of what medical science refers to as "phantom pain").
The only explanation I can offer as far as the cessation of this life-long bout with what I shall call "painful" dreams is that I did learn over the years to call upon the name of Jesus in my dreams, and perhaps that has been the difference to cause them to finally stop. I can't assert this correlation with any certainty, nor can I claim that my initial practice of calling on Jesus' name brought an IMMEDIATE cure. It was actually several years from the time I started to do this in my "painful" dreams until such dreams stopped. Perhaps it took several years for me to get adept at it -- to achieve a high enough level of dream-state cognizance and alertness to utilize Jesus' name with deliberacy and with immediacy and (most importantly) with consistency. And perhaps then it was only after I displayed such consistency that "their" efforts with me were abandoned.
I write to you today as a Christian woman who believes her entire life has been "vandalized" by demonic forces. I have spent most of my Christian life (I was saved in the late 1980's at the age of 19) wondering if a demonic presence in my life was responsible for much of the grief I have endured in my daily living. Even other people around me (Christian and non-Christian) have commented that they are stunned at the amount of grief my life has passed through, sensing my portion of troubles surpasses what the laws of averages dictate I should get. But whenever I tried to research the possibility of demonic influences in my life, I always recoiled in horror at the blatantly unsound theology I found in many books and teachings on the subject. I was leery of immersing myself into what I sensed was an odd and unstable corner of the Christian sub-culture where I would be consulting with people who saw a Communist behind every bush and a demon under every doily. So very many of these deliverance-from-demons ministries insist that a truth-seeker must repent of witchcraft and occultism, and to even repent of any witchcraft or occultism that parents or grandparents might have engaged in. And to my knowledge neither I nor my parents nor my grandparents have ever engaged in witchcraft, but I'm supposed to repent of it anyhow. How can I be convicted of a sin the existence of which I'm not even convinced? But ALL of those demon-deliverance ministries insisted that repentance of such hidden occultism was prerequisite to deliverance. So I felt like I was walking on very unstable ground whenever I looked into these teachings, as if the proponents of these ministries were asking me to invent transgressions that never existed, or manufacture a sin history (either in myself or in my family) that was pure imagination. Self-delusion is not something I embrace readily, even if a promised reward of happiness and blessings are offered for doing so. I only want the truth.
The Christian ufology movement is admittedly the very last place I expected to find something that made sense to me. But it was only after reading the internet testimonies of various people on your web site (and other web sites as well) that I began to sense that perhaps this movement has some solid grounding in actual truth, AND that these truths related to me and my circumstances. My dreams and my out-of-body experiences fit more into the alien visitation model than into the witchcraft model. I know of no occultism in my family, but after spending the past two weeks reading these Christian ufology web sites, I do believe there is a history of visitations in my family. So I am infinitely more comfortable concluding that I am a visitation victim than a witchcraft victim. That conclusion in no way invalidates the testimonies of those who claim to be victims of occult abuse, nor does it try to play down the severity of witchcraft's sinfulness as spelled out in Scripture. If anything my conclusion only lends credibility to the idea that Satan has MANY avenues through which he conducts his campaign of deception, and the UFO-lie is one of the latest.
I have a great deal more to read about in this topic. But I believe I am able to read further on the subject matter without the same recoiling-in-horror reaction I have always had with demon-deliverance ministries.
In conclusion, I really would like it if you could connect me with someone I could pray with about this. There's no one in my church who would be even remotely tolerant of any such notions. So if you could help me network to a counselor, I'd be very grateful.
Regards
--Eileen
